What rubbish
Fri 15th Feb 2008 by Ben Palmer.For as long as I can remember now, my work place at home has been the end of the kitchen table rather than my desk in the upstairs study. Working with my computer at the table has had its advantages - I am either in the same or the next door room to Harry and Emily when they play.
The trouble is, my piles of paper have grown, my office paraphenalia has increased, and the fight for space with craft materials, pens, half assembled wooden models and homework has increasingly been going the children's way. This morning I decided that it was time to again venture into the study I shared with Jessica.
Over the last few years it has been filled with christmas decorations, unused furniture and pictures, boxes filled with Jessica's clothes and anything else that didn't have somewhere to go. All of this I transferred into the spare bedroom today and I can see the floor again. What I needed to do next was to sort through the piles and piles of paper (before I move the piles up from the kitchen) so I grabbed a roll of bin bags and set to.
Incredibly I managed to fill seven recycling bags and two bin liners before the children's bedtime. I can now see myself going back in there to work, although now it's evening I'm back at the kitchen table.
A great deal of what I have recycled is Jessica's carefully filed paperwork. I had to stop several times and think, 'do I really want to be throwing this out?' No is the honest answer, but it is finally time. The memories of her are not in files or desk drawers, so their contents must go, but the clothes will stay for the time being. After all, one day Emily may want to wear some of them, even if she does have to wait for the fashion to come full circle again.
There was just one hand written scrap of paper I found that I wanted to share. I had torn it off the bottom of a letter sent to me a few months after Jessica died, and pinned it onto the notice board:
"A man is truly blessed when he has angelic children, because what ever happens during the day; when he comes home at night he is in heaven."
It still evokes mixed emotions, but I like it nevertheless.
February 16th, 2008 at 04:48
What an incredibly powerful post Ben, extremely moving, really made me stop and think. I guess it's all part of the bereavement process. Then I noticed you had tagged the post under 'mummy' and almost cried. Keep up the good work.
(I've changed my website by the way if you have time to update my link in your blogroll.)
February 18th, 2008 at 13:22
Thank you, IngeniousRose, for this very kind comment. It's strange, maybe, that I don't see it as powerful - just day to day life. It's always interesting to know how others might perceive our life!
Ben
P.S. I've updated the link to your website.
February 19th, 2008 at 17:29
Great blog Ben, I really like it - I hate hate HATE that you have had cause to even start it, but I like it just the same, because you raise some valid points.
I find myself often preparing for the worst at work, & thanking my stars that I DID prepare in the odd case where we do have to get help for a woman, in a hurry.
Having been present at a delivery that was a very, very close call for mother & baby, I feel more than ever that stories like yours & Jessica's need to be told.
I am sceptical about women being tested for Group Step B etc, & cannot see myself ever recommending or endorsing it, but that does not mean that we as midwives should not be aware.
You have indeed made me think & made me that little bit MORE aware of why we do maternal obs, & why they are the most important & basic tools in saving women's lives in the puerperium.
February 19th, 2008 at 20:33
Agatha, thank you so much for such support and encouragement. It means a lot, from parents and even more so from midwives. It helps keep me at the coal face!
To be honest I'm unsure about the merits of testing, but am adamant about the need for proper regular and continued obs and, as you say, awareness.
Group A strep infection is not going to go away, so what is key is to spot it in time and act accordingly. It need never get to the stage where a woman's life is in danger.
Thanks again for your support and for stopping by.