Inventive Care Unit

I woke this morning to find myself in hospital. A nurse was standing beside my bed.

"You're very, very ill."

Oh no, not again. "Can you make me better?"

"Yes, this is to take the splinter out of your nose; this is an injection to fill your arm with slime; just a little bit more. Now I need to listen to your heart with my this."

Then the nurse went very quiet, and a doctor hovered in the doorway behind her.

"Tell it like it is, nurse - can you hear my heart - is it still beating?"

"No, but it doesn't matter because now you can have a lollipop - here, eat this one and then you can have some more treats."

"Oh thank you nurse, can I give you a kiss too?"

She recoiled in horror, "NO! Nurses don't like kisses, Daddy. Now I have to go and be a tiger."

[update 3/3/2008]
Since posting this, I've realised that it's actually quite topical. This was totally accidental, unless Emily had been reading the papers before waking me...

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