Extracted
Fri 6th Jun 2008 by Ben Palmer.This morning I read the extract of Friday's Child, in the Daily Mail. It's strange, reading my words in such a condensed form. They are my words, and it is my story, but only such a small part of it.
It is humbling to read the comments people have left under the story, and so many. Really humbling.
The trouble with it being so shortened is that, inevitably, there wasn't room for many details, so it saddens me to be criticised, even ever so slightly, for not doing something that in fact we did.
We, Jessica and I, believed that she was being properly looked after and that we were doing everything right. We trusted the system to look after her, and when we were given reassurance, we took it and carried on. How I wish we hadn't.
That's all in the past, though. What matters is that it doesn't happen again.
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Hi Ben,
Very moved to read your story (in the Mail today) being a father of 4 myself. I intend to buy your book because as you said, only a small part of your story is there and if people make judgements about you on that basis then they are insensitiv, so don't be knocked down by those comments. I hope your book is a success for you , for your family and in raising awareness of Childbed Fever and avoiding your story happening to other familes. Well done.
Dear Ben,
Reading your extract in today's mail, I was moved to reply(it's not normally something I would do). It's bad enough to lose your wife, but to do so because of someone else's incompetence is, well I can't think of suitable words.
You said you had wondered how you would find a new wife, and who would want you. You may already have done so by now, but if not then my answer is - you will, and there are plenty of more than "half nice" women (single or already divorced) who will want you. Not only that, if they are half nice then they will want your beautiful children too. That will be your clue to the right one - how she loves your Harry and Emily as well as you. I'm sure your mother will be able to spot her.
Your website is brilliant, well done.
Good luck to you, Harry and Emily. I'm sure you will all be fine - you seem like a great dad.
Best wishes
Esther
Hi Ben,
I read the article in the Daily Mail and it truly moved me. I lost my wife (6 weeks pregnant) at the age of 33, 6 years ago, leaving me with a 2-yr-old to look after. My wife died from complications from a seizure due to a rare disease called Lymphocytic Hypophysitis, something most doctors have never heard of. I had to wait for a year afterward, until the autopsy report was completed, to find that out. It truly is an awful experience to go through, and my heart goes out to you. I've often wondered whether I should have pursued legal compensation, as we were sent home from the hospital a number of times ("probably a migraine", "she's dehydrated, drink more", etc) after going to emergency for her severe prolonged headache over the course of a few weeks. I've been meaning to put together some sort of "memorial" web site for some time now, and reading your story and seeing this site has inspired me. Thank you.
Ben
I too read your story on the Mail's website today and like other readers, I've never commented on a story I've read anywhere on the net but felt I wanted to for the first time. You sound an inspirational person and the very best kind of Dad. Your comment that Harry made about thinking it was his Mummy when the wind blew the curtains made my heart break. My little boy is nearly three and its exactly the sort of thing he would say. I also have a little girl of 11 months. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through and even though I've never met you, or your kids, I can imagine they totally know they're loved by you and that they were loved by their Mummy too - That'll get them through. And I'm sure they'll get you through too. Very well done on coming this far and for being a brilliant Daddy to them.
Martin, thank you. I hope that those that may be inclined to judge me harshly will read my book first. Then they can if they still wish. Opening oneself up in the way I have done is always an invitation for criticism - it's a risk you run, but the overwhelming support I am receiving makes it all worthwhile.
Esther, thank you too, so much. As with much the fuller explanation is Friday's Child, but it was fear, bewilderment and blind panic that led me to have those thoughts. I hated myself very soon after, but slowly came to realise that it is not the madness I feared, but extreme grief. I also realise that there are many lovely women out there, and I hope that one day I will marry again.
Ian D, words are not enough, except that I know. We both do. I wouldn't ever like to give advice on litigation, everyone must do what they feel is best, but a memorial of any sort - book, website etc is a wonderful thing. If you do, let me have the website address.
Vicky, thank you. I am so moved by all the wonderful empathy, support and encouragement like yours.
Dear Ben,
I commend you in raising awareness of this horrific disease. I contracted puerperal sepsis in 2000 following the birth of my third child. I was very seriously ill with the symptoms described here on your website but I was lucky in that I did eventually respond to the antibiotics. The whole experience has stayed with me and whilst I had plans for another child, my husband and I were too frightened to even consider it. I was shocked to discover the almost complete lack of awareness of medical staff regarding the illness and I couldn't believe that this is not a notifiable disease.
You are truly inspiring in your fight to raise awareness and I am sure that you will make your children so very proud.
Dear Ben
Like so many others, I have never felt so compelled to respond to an article and never before has someone's story moved me to tears. My husband and I don't have children as yet but it is so important that these issues are dealt with and medical incompetence brought to light.I have to admit that under the current climate of hospital cleanliness, shortage of midwives and so on, I am a little apprehensive at the thought of having a child at all. These should be wondrous events to celebrate but the Great British system is yet again failing people at such an important time in their lives.
I only wish there were more people like yourself in this world, if there were, it would certainly be a much better place.
I pray for you and your young family that you all go from strength to strength and I will certainly be purchasing your book. You should be very proud of yourself
Mary, Denise, so many comments, so much support and kindness.
It would be easy for me say that sepsis shouldn't put people off pregnancy - I don't believe it should - but if you or someone close to you has been affected it is obviously going to be a traumatic thing. It shouldn't be like this - nobody should become so ill or die. I hope that the more people understand the continuing danger of childbed fever, the lesser the risk will be. Thank you for stopping by.