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The reality of maternal mortality: a father's perspective

… Jessica died in June 2004 when Emily was just 6 days old, and three weeks after Harry's third birthday. She was 34.

This photograph is hanging in poster size on their bedroom wall, so that they will never forget her.

This is my family today.

Emily is a relatively carefree 4 year old still learning about who and what it is she has lost. Harry is a seven year old, unfairly burdened with …

Too many happy returns

Last Friday was my birthday. Having had much excitement with the childrens', particularly for Emily who still insists "it's my birthday today," it was a welcome low-key day, even if Harry and Emily were both churning out birthday cards for most of the time.

Everyone seems to think I should "have a wonderful day" on …

Blooming marvellous

… the roses and shrubs that we planted together were spring and early summer flowerers.

All of our birthdays; Jessica's, the children's and mine are between late May and July. Our wedding was in late July and her death and funeral were before our anniversary.

This is Jessica's time of year and I will relish that thought tomorrow, three years after I buried her in that fine oak coffin on my …

Mummys in Heaven

… when The Queen dies." No flies on him.

Then we got around to why there was a concert for her birthday and why she wasn't there. We talked once again about people dying young and what a beautiful and kind princess Diana was.

"So, you see, Harry," I finished, "Even a Mummy in the Royal Family can die too soon." There was just a glimmer of recognition in his eyes; that it could happen to …

Into the tunnel

… Friday night I've got some breathing space and there's a lot to think about.

Sunday is Emily's birthday. She'll be three, and she will cause mayhem with pink wrapping paper and chocolate cake. It'll be a fun and busy day for her, but a part of me will be in the past, remembering.

Poor Harry will too. He hasn't yet fully understood the link between the birth of the baby sister that he has …

Cards

Last Thursday was Harry's birthday which means I've been a Dad for 6 years and 3 days, and I now know what it really means to be a parent. For the first 3 years and 3 weeks I could have been a much better one. Since then, though, I've been a Mum as well, and I have to take my hat off to all mothers for their patience and …

Inflated opinion

… earlier today.

I was driving the children and Min, Jessica's step-mother, to a two year old's birthday barbecue near Chalfont St Giles. The lane we were in was narrow, and there was a car approaching, so I pulled over as best I could in the widest part I could, and thought that the other car would be able to squeeze past, slowly.

The only trouble was, it never slowed down, so at a pace of …

Cake and candles

It's Jessica's birthday today. She should be 37, but she will always be 34 in our hearts and in our memories.

I've bought a helium balloon, and at the children's request, a birthday cake as well. We'll have our little tea party and then, like we always have, we'll write our messages of love on the balloon and …