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Lucky dip

… about charity, and he was proud that his old nursery school was raising money to stop other mummys dying like his did.

The first Jessica's Trust fundraiser was, I suspect, a huge success in monetary terms. I already know it was a success in the terms that matter even more. People mind about the next Jessica too, and the fact that so many people were there just proves it. Together, I …

The reality of maternal mortality: a father's perspective

… and family and my son Harry's.

When I told him that the doctor's had tried really hard to mend mummy's sore tummy, but that she was too sick and now she was in heaven with God and the angels where her tummy couldn't hurt any more, he just looked at me.

He didn't say a word. He was three - how could he understand what I was also struggling with?

Thanks to my mother and sister, and …

Extracted

This morning I read the extract of Friday's Child, in the Daily Mail . It's strange, reading my words in such a condensed form. They are my words, and it is my story, but only such a small part of it.

It is humbling to read the comments people have left under the story, and so many. Really …

Why, Daddy?

… side; the ones that travel with him, and always sit beside his bed.

'I just want to talk about Mummy.'

'OK darling, of course we can. What would you like to talk about?'

'Why did Mummy die? What is an infection anyway? Why do people die too early? How did the doctors know she was dead?'

I tried to field the questions as best I could, in suitable language, without causing extra alarm, …

What rubbish

For as long as I can remember now, my work place at home has been the end of the kitchen table rather than my desk in the upstairs study. Working with my computer at the table has had its advantages - I am either in the same or the next door room to Harry and Emily when they play.

The trouble …

Intervention

… free, but Emily interrupted our bedtime rituals with, 'Daddy, I really miss Carly [our nanny] and Mummy.'

"We'll see Carly again soon, darling, and..."

"But I still miss Mummy, Daddy."

"... we know we can't see Mummy, but we can look at her photograph, because she's safe in Heaven now. Mummy doesn't want you to be sad, Emily."

"Oww. But I reeeally miss my Mummy. I want to see …

Wish upon a star

… DEC:3°13'29" which, after great discussion, is now called Jessica Palmer's Star, or Mummy's Star to us, but that could be confusing because, "another Mummy might have a star, Daddy".

The idea stemmed from the great work that Harry has been doing with his Skyscape of Memories at the Winston's Wish website (which I commend to anyone with children who have lost a loved one of …

Angels

… A Star' campaign afterwards. When I'd added a contribution, Harry wrote on a star. "I miss you Mummy love from Harry" and "I miss you Mummy love from Emily" before we stuck it onto a skyscape poster on the door. They were both really pleased, but in the car afterwards Emily burst into tears.

Silly Daddy thought she was saying, "I want my muzzy," when anybody could tell it was Mummy that …

Mums all around

… wine and conversation.

At one point talk turned to Harry and how he has coped with not having a Mummy, and one of the Mums told me about a telly program, The Mummy Diaries in which Julie Stokes, the founder of Winston's Wish, helps young families cope with their mothers' terminal cancers.

Purely by chance, because I wasn't looking for it, I flicked over to it tonight just as the last of …

Fairy magic

… sister was too frightened, she doesn't like loud bangs, so she stays at home, baking with her Mummy. Together they wait in the warm with the lights on and the fire crackling against the cold and the dark, waiting for their boys to come home, full of excitement.

I don't know who the boy and his sister are and it's strange to imagine their life. Harry, Emily and I watch the distant …